


Privegilo: A Story of Two Loves

by broken_ropes (orphan_account)



Series: Wander Back [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Actions Mean More Than Words, Artist Steve Rogers, Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, POV Maria Hill, Sometimes It's the Opposite, Timelines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3539774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/broken_ropes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were happy together, she loves him and hopefully he loves her. But that doesn't mean there won't come time where she leaves him at a Train Station, or has to watch him fall sick and die. That doesn't mean she can't remember him lying frozen in ice or comatose.<br/>But it guarantees that there will come a day when he piggybacks her throughout their apartment, when Natasha and Clint and them break a law or two and pretend they're just two Americans who can only speak English, a Russian and a deaf guy, when they hack into JARVIS and set Tony's alarm off at 2 am.<br/>And maybe it means that she'll see him hold their daughter in his arms, that they'll adopt Natasha and Clint's adopted son's best friend, that she can have Phil walk her down the aisle.<br/>There is a time where the Avengers are one big family, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Privegilo: A Story of Two Loves

_There are good days, and there are bad days, and this is one of them_  
-Lawrence Welk

She goes down to watch the unfreezing because Fury insists he’s too busy and someone with a level 10 clearance has to. Which leaves only her. 

It’s not that she doesn’t care about the great and legendary Captain America, it’s just she has better things to do. He’s no use to them lying frozen in a chunk of ice, dormant. And there are about a 1000 things she could be doing. 

Coulson has been emailing her non-stop, asking for updates and she leaves them in her inbox, possibly because she enjoys this leverage she has over him. 

“Commander?”

She looks up from her makeshift desk in the closest city to the frozen land, at the young blonde agent. She’s holding a file and some photographs. 

“Commander Hill? Captain Rogers is alive and stable. He is currently unconscious, Agents Fellows, Mythrandt, and Chen are keeping him sedated and under until they receive further orders”

She nods at the younger agent and takes the files from her, breathing a sigh of relief at the success of the mission. If Captain Rogers had died, the Council would have her head. Now it’s just the matter of waking him up properly so he doesn’t hate him. He could be very useful in the coming wars. 

“Thank you, Agent . . . .”

“Morrison, ma’am”

“Thank you, Agent Morrison. And please don’t call me ma’am”

“Anytime, Commander. And your signature is needed on the forms to wake Captain America up”

 _Is it your fear of losing_  
_That makes you go further_  
_What makes me wonder friend_  
_Is how you get away with your lies_

They’re walking side - by - side throughout the Hellicarrier, trying, or at least she’s trying to find a quiet place. She’s been stuck on the ship for 8 days and the Captain has been following her around for the last four of them. 

Fury once again left her to take care of his shit, this time taking care of the Hellicarrier mess. This is why she hates superheroes. They make a mess and never think to clean anything up. 

“Commander? Deputy Director? Hill?! What are we supposed to do? What do you want done with this? I don’t have clearance to do this, I need someone who does!”

And Captain Rogers appeared on the fifth day after New York, with no word to where he was or what he did. He just walked in and began to help cleaning everything up. They hadn’t spoken to each other, she wasn’t even sure if she liked him all that much, but he had followed instructions. He is a superhero. 

“Commander Hill - Oh, sorry. I’ll come back . . .” 

Maria groans and turns to look at the agent standing behind her, obviously not having seen Captain America next to her. 

“It’s fine, Agent Okiro. What is it?” 

“Some Level 3’s spilt oil throughout the hangar and Agent Leerick fell in it, we think his leg is broken -”

“And why have you come to me? I’m sure Agent Sitwell is fully equipped to handle this situation”

“He said that it would be best if I went to you, sir. He also said he was busy” 

“Well how about you return to Agent Sitwell and tell him that he has to get his ass up and moving, if you please, Agent Okiro”

The agent swallows and hurries quickly through the hallways and Maria can feel the Captain smiling beside her. It’s then that she thinks he may not be so bad. There must be an exception to every rule after all. 

_'Cause maybe you have noticed  
That I appreciate your company_

She dodges a well - aimed Fruit Loop and looks up to glare at the world - renowned superhero, currently amusing herself by throwing cereal into her hair. She’s promised to go out with him and Natasha and Clint tonight and no matter how mild - mannered he may seem, he gets extremely impatient. 

They’re sitting in her office, she’s finishing up the last bit of the paperwork from Strike Team Delta’s latest mission on the tail end of her motivation spurt and Steve is waiting for her. 

“I’m almost done” 

She doesn’t look up from her laptop and flicks the Fruit Loop back to him with her free hand. He groans like a child and slumps back in the chair. 

“You said you were almost done 20 minutes ago”

“And now I’m 20 minutes closer to being done than I was 20 minutes ago”

He rolls her eyes and she closes up her laptop, smirking at him as she slides 80% of the files on her desk into her bag. He grins and grabs her hand, pulling her out of her office, both of them giggling like adolescents. 

They skid to a stop in front of his motorcycle where a shiny, second helmet is sitting. He grins at her, pride and eagerness shining on his face. 

“I figured you ride on it often enough that you could use one”

She swallows the strange feeling rising in the back of her throat and smiles at him, even though she’s forcing it. His face brightens and kisses the side of her head, tossing her the helmet and climbing onto the bike. 

This moment, it’s intimate and frightening to her. She’s begun to sense it’s more than a friendship she desires from him and that can’t happen. And the gestures, the gifts, the long nights together aren’t doing much to help calm her fears. 

_And every time you have to go_  
_I regret I didn't let you know_  
_I could love you_

When she gets to her new apartment she almost expects him to be there. To insist that he loves and that he knows she loves him. Because she’s pretty sure she does. 

But S.H.I.E.L.D. has strict fraternisation policies and Captain America will never be any exception to the rule, most likely the enforcement. And she can’t risk compromising S.H.I.E.L.D.’s greatest asset. 

Those are two of the reasons she tells herself why she can’t be with him. 

“Uhhh, ma’am?” 

Maria looks behind her at the taxi driver and she pulls out her wallet, handing him the first couple of bills she finds. 

“Keep the change”

It’s all she can do to keep Steve’s voice from echoing in her mind, declaring his love to her. They were just sitting in his apartment, he was drawing she was planning a mission, when he turned to her and whispered those three little words. 

She stared at him and then left, packed up her bag and was gone. Filed for a transfer the next day, and now she’s in San Francisco, away from him. He came to the airport, he saw her and she saw him, but he just watched her go and she left. 

“Are you Maria Hill?”

She turns to look at the short bustling woman. 

“Yes”

“Just follow me then, your apartment is this way”

 _And when you hung up the phone_  
_I realized I was alone_  
_And I can't help it_  
_You're just so beautiful_

When Fury calls her to say that he needs her back in D.C. she starts to worry. He knows her well enough not to ask her back. So she knows it must be serious. 

But it makes her past come rushing back. Steve, their friendship and the heartbreak. If Fury is sending her back to D.C. for the reason he thinks, that Project Fearless is a go, then she’s going to have to see Steve again. 

The code word, ‘three hours’, is why she’s packing a bag. There’s a mole in S.H.I.E.L.D. Natasha’s with Steve, Clint’s in deep cover, Iron Man isn’t Iron Man, Thor is off-the-radar, and they don’t need the Hulk. They need an S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. 

“Hill, where are you going?”

She curses as she hears Sitwell’s voice behind her. If anyone could be the mole(s), it’s probably him. 

“I was going to head to D.C., Fury said he was leaving for a while and needed me to run the head-quarters”

Her voice never quavers and she turns to look Sitwell, dead in the eyes. Just a day ago Steve had to save his ass on a ship, just a day ago he got to see Steve. Now she gets to see him. 

“Hmmmm. I’m going too, later on today. Maybe I’ll see you down there” 

She nods and grabs her, bag leaving him in the living room of her bare apartment. She never settled into California, it’s almost like part of her wanted to go back to D.C., to Steve. 

“And Hill, be careful”

 _You may have seen the world dear_  
_But you don't know me_  
_That's why all of this_  
_Seems so absurd_

She stands nervously in the doorway of his room. It looks like he’s sleeping but she knows better. He never sleeps in hospitals, not since he fell asleep next to his mom and she died. 

She’s been in and out of his room plenty of times, she even watched the surgery, but he had never been awake for any of that. And if he’s awake they have to confront what’s happened. Last time she ran and he let her. 

“I can see you over-thinking everything over there”

She smiles as he smirks at her and she sits down next to him. He lays a hand on her knee and she flinches, guilt flashing across both their faces. He slowly removes the hand and shifts so he is sitting up and facing her. 

“You look nice today”

Maria smiles softly, she knows she looks nice. Her hair is down, she’s wearing make-up, and she has a nice blouse on over a pair of dress pants. 

“Steve, I want to apologize-”

“Is this the first time you’ve been in to see me?”

They’re both silent for a moment. 

“Yes”

She lies and grabs her phone as it buzzes, answering it and nodding a couple times. 

“I have to go, Pepper needs my help” 

“It’s no problem, you can always come back another time. It’s not like I’m going anywhere”

She smiles at him and walks out of the room, too nervous to look back at him. 

_I lie awake at night  
Picturing me and you_

They walk into Stark Towers, dropping their hands as soon as they step into the lounge. It was something new, nothing they were quite sure they wanted everyone to know yet. 

It just sort of happened, neither of them are complaining and neither of them were unhappy. As much as it pains Maria to admit it, life not in S.H.I.E.L.D. does have its benefits. She has a real home, a few friends, a less stressful job, and a boyfriend. 

“Maria, I’m so glad you come”

Pepper embraces her and Maria smiles at Steve over her boss’ shoulder. 

Clint tosses her a beer and she sits down to him and Natasha, who are cuddling. She watches as Natasha, who has her head on his lap, sits up to whisper something in Clint’s ear and then slump back down into his lap with a slightly concerning grin. He looks up at Maria gleefully. 

“Nat saw you”

He whispers into her ear and when he draws back she stares at him, alarmed. He laughs at her and Natasha grins, jumping off Clint like a cat and walking over to Bruce. 

She’s honestly glad they know, it’s two less people to tell. The only reason she doesn’t want to tell them is for the fear that they’ll be disappointed in Steve. She isn’t exactly girlfriend material, nor is she a great person. But having her best friend and Steve’s best friend’s approval is comforting. 

The next stop is Peggy Carter-Sousa, the one person that sends butterflies into the pit of Maria’s stomach. She’d heard stories of the woman from her S.O. – May and seen her around S.H.I.E.L.D. on occasion but never met Steve’s first love. 

And Maria would be lying is she said that she wasn’t afraid of the disapproval of her. 

_I wish I could make it_  
_All clear you see_  
_I could love you_

Maria shakes her head at Clint as he hands her a beer and instead catches the water bottle Natasha throws at her. Steve leans over and scoops some mashed potatoes and dabs them onto her noise. She laughs and wipes them off, wiping her fingers on his shirt. 

They’re in their kitchen, they moved in a month ago and they finally have everything sorted out. They’ve invited the gang over for Thanksgiving Dinner and to announce something very special. 

“Maria and I have some news”

All heads turn to her and Steve and a flicker of nerve works its way through her body. She can’t help it, the expectation of disapproval is a reflex. And this family of superheroes is so close knit, and she still feels like an outsider on occasion. She isn’t a superhero, she isn’t Pepper who lived and worked for one for too many years, or Jane who studied them. She is an ex. criminal turned agent of the law and security of the world, before it turned to actually be an evil organization, trying to destroy part of the world. 

“We’re engaged” 

The kitchen breaks out into laughter and cheers as she and Steve are attacked by hugs. 

“When will this joyful union occur?”

Maria looks at Steve, nervously biting her lip before answering the god. 

“December. We’re just going to go City Hall and then have a little celebration afterwards”

“That’s wonderful, though if you wanted a wedding ceremony I know a perfect place . . .”

Maria tunes Pepper out as she observes the interactions before her. Everyone is smiling and laughing and it’s far more than she ever could have hoped for. In all honesty, she expected only a little joy, more unease and confusion than happiness. But looking at her newfound family now, she realizes all that was for naught. 

_And soon the fall is here_  
_Turning us cold_  
_And I can't help it_  
_You're so beautiful_

She looks over at him, doodling in the margins of a baby name book. It’s a picture of her, sitting by their fireplace like she is now and their daughter in their arms. 

They’re in their apartment, sitting in their living room. Natasha and Clint are due to be back from Beijing any moment now, another false lead on Madame Hydra. Their apartment is closer to the airport than the Tower so they’ve promised a room to the dangerous couple. 

“Are you actually reading that, or are you just fooling around?” 

He looks up at her with wide eyes and she laughs at him. 

“Are you insinuating something, Mrs. Rogers?”

Mock disappointment laces his voice and she swats playfully at his arm. 

“Oh god, please don’t tell me you’re going to start kissing. I had enough of kissing at the stupid church we had to stake out”

Natasha smirks at the pair and Maria rolls her eyes. Clint walks in behind Natasha, two bags in his hands and drops them in the doorway. Maria stands up, slowly, clutching her swollen belly and makes her way over to her best friend and hugging him. 

“I’ll have you know, we were looking at names”

She looks at Natasha as she hugs Clint and Steve hands them a list. Natasha looks it over and starts to laugh. Maria looks at her, confused a little bit and worriedly looks at Steve and Clint. They look back at her with equal confusion. 

“The name, Brynn. It’s Welsh and means Hill”

_I can't help it  
You're so beautiful_

When she wakes Steve is asleep by her side. His head is hanging down and the dark circles under his eyes are more prominent than ever. She feels guilty, knowing she is the reason neither of them have slept in the past few weeks. 

They’re in London, at a treatment facility. She’s got - she had cancer in her leg. Osteosarcoma. Now she’s missing half her right leg and the chemotherapy has taken her hair. 

“Hey”

She lifts her head up to look at him and he smiles, sleepily, at her. His blond hair is all mussed up and he looks adorable as ever. His eyes are the same as Brynn’s and there’s something comforting about looking into the eyes of her husband and seeing her daughter in them. 

“How are you feeling?”

He reaches out a hand and holds hers, smiling faintly at her. It’s almost like he’s gone through more than she has. 

“Okay, can we call Brynn?”

Her voice is faint and weak but he hears her none the less and takes her laptop out of the bag sitting on the floor next to his chair. 

“Mom?”

“Hey sweetheart”

When the Skype call is done, she slumps back into the bed, exhausted and Steve leans over, kissing her on the forehead. It’s time to sleep again, she’ll be released in two weeks and then she can see her 4 year old daughter. 

_Oh the morning light  
But the demons they come at night_

She limps into Natasha and Clint’s apartment, Brynn dragging her by the straps of her bag. They walk into the room and Brynn runs over to Nikolay Barton and an African American girl playing with Lego pieces with him. 

She’s bringing Brynn over for the night with her best friend’s adopted son since she and Steve have to head to Paris to meet with an ex. member of the World Security Council. She still needs her cane, no matter how good of a prosthetic Tony can make for her. 

“Hey, Maria. Come on in here” 

Clint yells from his kitchen and she looks back on the three kids before following his voice. She finds him making lunch, dishes and food scattered throughout the kitchen. 

“Is Natasha out?”

“Was it the mess that gave it away? I don’t know why women are always neater. I make more meals than she does and I make a bigger mess” 

Clint shakes his head and Maria grins, sitting down on the counter. They sit in the kitchen and talk for 10 minutes, only interrupted by the buzzing of her phone. When she looks down and checks her messages she sees it’s from an impatient Steve. 

“It’s Steve. He’s getting impatient” 

Clint rolls his eyes and helps her off the counter, handing her, her cane and walking her out. 

“Who’s the girl with Nikolay?”

“That’s Margaret but Nicky calls her Peggy. She was at the orphanage with Nicky but she’s got dyslexia so she’s still there. She’s a really sweet kid though”

“Hmmm . . . bye Brynn! Daddy and I will pick you up tomorrow, okay?”

 _I want to be your appetite_  
_I want to be your good dreams,_  
_Your bad dreams_

She opens the door and finds Brynn and Peggy standing there with huge grins on their faces. She puts a finger up to her lip and lets them into the room, lifting up her African American adopted daughter and setting her on top of Steve and letting Brynn run and jump onto Steve. 

It’s his birthday, the first one they’ve had with Peggy. The second since her surgery. She’s promised the girls that they could wake Steve up since they aren’t allowed to on normal weekends. 

He wakes up with a startled yell but when he sees his daughters he smiles and grabs them both, hugging and tickling them as they giggle loudly. 

“Happy Birthday Daddy!”

Brynn manages to squeeze the words out between laughing fits and Maria looks at them smiling until and arm shoots out and grabs her, pulling her in. She glares into the mess of limbs and finds her husband’s eye grinning devishily. 

“All right, who’s hungry?” 

Brynn and Peggy leap off Steve with big smiles and run into the kitchen, shrieking with laughter. She rolls off Steve and hops off the bed, grabbing her cane and poking him in arm with it. He mock-glares at her and stands, running over and picking her up. 

“Put me down! Steve, I’m not joking!”

He sits down on their bed, carefully sitting her on his lap with a smile and she swats at his arm, trying half-heartedly to wipe the grin off his face. Slowly he leans in and kisses her, his hands worming their up her body and into her hair and hers around his neck. 

“Ewww!” 

They whip around to find their daughters standing in their doorway with wrinkled up noses and Maria laughs, burying her face in Steve’s shoulder. 

Maria gets off Steve, grabbing her cane and follows the girls into the kitchen with one last smile at her husband. When she turns around he’s right behind her with an apron on. 

_I can't help it  
You're so beautiful_

She looks in front of her at Steve and their eldest daughter. Brynn is looking nervously at the wide chapel doors in front of her and Maria would be nervous if she said she didn’t feel as nervous as her daughter. 

Brynn best friend – Corina and then Peggy and her girlfriend - Ally all stand in front of Brynn and her parents. Maria is standing with her grandson, the ring in Henry’s hands, behind Brynn. 

Her daughter is getting married. 

“Grandma?” 

Maria looks down at her grandson, currently drawing invisible patterns on her cane. He looks adorable in jeans and a black and white plaid shirt with his brown hair all spikey around his face. He looks just like Brynn when she was 4. 

“Yes, Henry?”

“Why is Daddy in there but Mommy is with Grandpa?”

Maria lifts Henry up onto her hip with the whole leg and brushes his hair out of his face. 

“Your Mommy is going to walk in there and meet your Daddy”

“Then they’re going to get married?”

“Sure thing, son”

Maria looks up at Steve and smiles, seeing tears in the corner of his eyes and sure they were in her own. The Super Soldier Serum was wearing off slowly and his asthma and other disabilities were coming back. They just hadn’t found the right time to tell their daughters, is there was a right time. 

But then the doors opened and the wedding march began, reminding her of a Christmas 35 years ago, when Phil Coulson walked next to her, Sam and Clint stood behind Steve, and Pepper and Natasha in front of her, with Brynn in her womb and the future ahead of her. 

But also a day when she couldn’t even dream of this life, when it began with her signature on a form to wake Captain America up. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant_  
-Anne Bradstreet


End file.
